The following job vacancy was recently advertised in The Guardian. Yes, the Guardian.
•Britain’s most successful newspaper group is offering would-be reporters and writers an exciting and challenging yearlong training course, plus the chance to work at the Daily Mail and Mail Online
•We are looking for bright, sharp, intelligent writers who believe they can be fast-tracked to the very top
•You’ll be on the best journalism course in the business – and be paid a competitive salary while you train
•Successful applicants will probably have completed post-graduate journalism training or had experience working in newspapers
Apply by February 21, with your CV, 200 words on why you think you could be a Mail journalist, a 200-word news story and a selection of up to six cuttings and send to Sue Ryan, Trainee Reporters’ Scheme, Daily Mail, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry St, London W8 5TT.
Please send queries to email@example.com
This has been covered brilliantly and hilariously by both Enemies Of Reason and Angry Mob, both of which are well worth a read. No doubt many others have also been inspired to join in. Although I'm sure that most, or even all, of them are better writers than I could ever hope to be, I shall still submit an application. Not least because being a good writer appears to be a major obstacle to getting a job with the Daily Fail. Yes, I think I've got a good chance with this one.
So here's my application letter which I have sent to Sue Ryan.
While trawling through the sordid socialist rag that shall not be named, a beacon of truth and virtue shone out at me from the Job Vacancy pages that I could not resist. I have long dreamed of being a writer - not one of those poncy lefty fools like Slavoj Žižek or Noam Chomsky, but a proper writer like Richard Littlejohn or Jan Moir. Now I see that the very thing I had been looking for is available to me via the good offices of the Mail group.
Although I have no training or experience in journalism, I do know how to copy and paste, and I feel that this alone qualifies me to move swiftly into the middle ranks of Daily Mail reporters. I am perfectly capable of writing vindictive polemics based on nothing more than an overheard conversation on the bus, or even a hacked voicemail, and I have no qualms whatsoever about stitching people up in order to advance my career.
Above all I feel I am qualified to write for the Daily Mail because I hate living in England, and have always dreamed of buggering off to sunnier climes, where I can observe the deterioration of a once-great nation from afar. This distance, as Littlejohn has proved, can be invaluable in giving me an objective viewpoint that is based entirely on prejudice and lack of research, rather than any pesky ideas like actually living here or talking to real people.
Please please please PLEASE give me the job.
Yours hurrahing for the Blackshirts,
I will let you know if I get a reply, but in the meantime please do make an application yourself. And if you do, I'd love you to share it with me on the comments below, either in full or by posting a link to your own blog. This is too good a chance to miss. Just think - the next paranoid scare story about Eastern European wheelie bin inspectors could be under YOUR byline.