Election 2015 - The Campaign Starts Here

I love this idea. The more I think about, the more I love this idea. Allow me to share it with you.

OK, so it's not actually a fully formed idea, as such. More of a notion, really. Or a suggestion. But it's out there now, and it can't be unthought.

During some idle chat on Twitter -- arguably that's a tautology, but we'll move on -- a chap called David Platt* suggested arranging candidates for all 650 constituencies** in the next UK General Election.

* No, not that David Platt. Or that one. Another one.

** Or however many are left after Cameron has finished his gerrymandering.

I like this idea. (I think I mentioned that already.) Many people in Britain are disillusioned about politics these days; perhaps more than ever before. The Liberal Democrats appear to be facing extinction at the next election, and Labour and the Conservatives seem just as out-of-touch as ever. So why not start our own party? (And like all good parties, this one's going to have a DJ.)

Before we get into the details of how to stand for Parliament, though, we need to cover the basics. Stuff like what the new party will be called. And, um, what it stands for. You see, we're already getting into a different kind of politics here, by actually suggesting we have policies. As far as I can recall, the two parties that 'won' the 2010 election hardly had any policies before the election - and those they did have were swiftly abandoned.

Today marks exactly one year since the Coalition Government took control of Britain, and that leaves us more or less four years to sort out how we take it back. It starts here, and it starts now.

To give us a headstart, I have shamelessly copied some policy ideas from Mark Thomas, who had a similar idea back in 2009. Perhaps some of these can be an inspiration for us to develop our own policies. Or, if we prefer, we can just steal the best policies off other people. It worked for New Labour, so why not for us?

Here are a few of my favourites.

All politicians should be forced to wear the names and logos of the companies that sponsor them or with whom they have financial links.

Anyone who opposes immigration into this country should be barred from travelling abroad.

To randomly arm OAPs with guns.

Require the Daily Mail to print the following on every front page: "This is a fictional representation of the news. Any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental."

Make clothes out of cheese.

Anyone found guilty of homophobic hate crime has to serve their sentence in drag.

There should be separate lanes for pedestrians based on the speeds they walk at. Ranging from a fast lane for people who know where they are going to a hard shoulder for window shoppers.

Anyone buying a second home in Somerset has to buy a house of equal value for someone who actually lives in Somerset. This house is to be built on a golf course.

OK, so we could have some sensible policies - you know, like a Tobin Tax, or scrapping Trident, or maybe rebuilding the nation's stock of council housing. But where's the fun in that? Let's be honest: there are few if any votes in proposing a tweak in business rates, but I'd wager there are plenty of votes to be won by any party proposing on-the-spot fines for anyone found in possession of a copy of the Daily Express.

But this isn't about me. I don't want to be Prime Minister. This is about YOU, people. The Great British Public. Here is our chance to really take control. Now I'm giving you the opportunity to get out there and change our nation for the better. All we need from you is ideas. And maybe five hundred quid for your election deposit.