Tweets Of The Week

This week's collection starts with an excellent article from David Allen Green, a man whose output (both on Twitter and elsewhere) is well worth following. The letter in the Times carries somewhat less gravitas... Possibly the best thing about Twitter is the jokes. It's swimming with them. Most aren't funny, but here are a few below that are (at least in my opinion). All these contributors are regularly amusing, and well worth adding to your timeline if you are on Twitter. If you're not, then I suggest you register now, and follow them.

So again, this is the source-based @newstatesman post the operator of @wikileaks account is so desperate to discredit: bit.ly/NEf8vm

— David Allen Green (@DavidAllenGreen) August 23, 2012

Superb reader letter in The Times instagr.am/p/OpZePCw7Vu/ ht @drmarkporter @kayaburgess via @jonhilldesign

— Sue Llewellyn (@suellewellyn) August 23, 2012

More on that break on pages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 11, 12 and our special supplement RT @rupertmurdoch: Prince Harry.Give him a break.

— Matt Leys (@mattleys) August 26, 2012

Just walked into the kitchen and caught the teapot hurling some horrendous racial abuse at the kettle.

— Chris (@ChribHibble) August 27, 2012

Found a secret door in the back of my washing machine. Behind it a tiny room with rows of mice fast asleep in odd sock sleeping bags.

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) August 27, 2012

My girlfriend just bought a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I'm measurable now.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) August 28, 2012

Tweets Of The Week

Well worth following the links posted by FleetStreetFox and Channel4News. One will have you spitting bricks with anger, the other sobbing into your pint. Probably. Personally, I'm really looking forward to Piers Morgan living up to his promise.

Just read instruction manual for how to build Time Machine. That's 3 hours of my life I'll never get back.

— rufus jones (@rufusjones1) August 15, 2012

now we all know @piersmorgan is a man of his word so... twitter.com/jwidnell/statu…

— Rachel Roberts (@scouserachel) August 15, 2012

Claustrophobia: a fear of being in enclosed spaces with a fictional large jolly man in a red suit with a white beard. #ued

— whyzippyisorange (@wzio) August 16, 2012

So the taxman dodges more tax than the rest of us put together. Who'da thunk it? bit.ly/N2qg9O

— fleetstreetfox (@fleetstreetfox) August 16, 2012

One of our most moving interviews @cathynewman speaks to Tony Nicklinson #c4news bit.ly/RZJXQp plus blog: bit.ly/Nq6vVi

— Channel 4 News (@Channel4News) August 16, 2012

Volga News. That Kasparov arrest in full. White (K) e4 Black (FSB) blow to head(!); Kf4 - knee to groin(!); d3(?) - club to ribs+ (!!); 0-1

— Pavel Konnolsky (@Konnolsky) August 17, 2012

To secure Tesco's Monday AM slot, I order 1 thing Friday then amend it with my shopping on Sunday. I forgot. Just took delivery of an onion.

— Stephen Grant (@stephencgrant) August 20, 2012

The people coming up with irritating portmanteaus like "Glamping" and "Jeggings" can go fumselves.

— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) August 20, 2012

Tweets Of The Week

This week's selection includes another mention for 'cluedont', and a first mention each for the brilliant 'MooseAllain' and 'utterben'. Gary Bainbridge's column in the Liverpool Daily Post is also great fun.

If Kerry Katona would have been around at the same time as Moses I think there would have been another commandment.

— cluedont (@cluedont) August 8, 2012

That @phillucas (#ff) always takes Make Something Up Thursday so seriously... twitter.com/PhilLucas/stat…

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) August 9, 2012

These 22 gold medals now equate to 110 seconds in the Crystal dome. #Olympics

— Stephen Grant (@stephencgrant) August 9, 2012

As night descends on Gotham,* a lone protector watches from the rooftops.** COLUMN: bit.ly/Npv43Q” *Liverpool **goes on Twitter

— Gary Bainbridge (@Gary_Bainbridge) August 9, 2012

Isambard Kingdom Buñuel built the Great Western Surrealway.

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) August 10, 2012

A Sunday morning without a cup of tea is like invading a country without a motive.

— Ben (@utterben) August 12, 2012

Tweets Of The Week

This week's selection includes a couple of chortles, and more than the odd reference to the London 2012 Olympic Games.

Standing barefoot on a plug is a great way of discovering you can do an impression of a chimp lowering itself into a really hot bath.

— Chris (@ChribHibble) July 30, 2012

I have just achieved a personal best in the Men's 750 ml Merlot.

— cluedont (@cluedont) July 31, 2012

We're nothing if we're not loved. When you meet somebody who is more important to you than yourself,that has to be the most important thing.

— Joe Simpson (@TouchingTheVoid) August 1, 2012

I made a ventriloquist's dummy out of some old carpet, it's ruggish.

— Neil (@_Enanem_) August 1, 2012

Don't know why people are surprised that Cam's presence at Olympic events is jinxing British success. Have they not noticed his stint as PM?

— Sir Robin Bogg (@robinbogg) August 2, 2012

I think it's safe to say @nickmotown won this particular exchange:twitpic.com/afoyvm

— Doug (@unslugged) August 5, 2012

From last night, the BBC commentary box during the closing stages of Mo Farah's victory... goo.gl/OLMEy

— @NickMotown (@NickMotown) August 5, 2012